Grinch en Sandwich

Fa-who, Fores, Da-who dores, Welcome Christmas, bring us ideas. What’s that, a 3-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich?

Yes.

with arsenic sauce.

Lauren, you’re a genius!

First things first, I’ve never made a double, triple, any kind of decked out sandwich ever. Nor have I had the stomach capacity to eat one. It’s a pretty impressive sight. Why do you think burger places sell quarter-pound double and triple cheeseburgers? It’s a huge but pretty picture! After all, they say you eat with your eyes first.

Let’s break down the ingredients. Sauerkraut is just pickled cabbage with a straw color. We just used a pre-packaged bag of the stuff from the grocery store. We covered it in our Oktoberfest review last month. Now, for the toadstool, that boils down to mushrooms from the produce section in our world. “Toadstool” is only said if it’s poisonous and/or inedible. We chose a big fat portabella so the end product won’t have bits and pieces slipping out from in-between the slices. I never liked having to go back afterwards to scoop up the last few bites. Portabella mushrooms are used commonly in sandwiches and burgers in place of meat anyhow. That’s what we call learning from others’ successes.

 

There are a few other things we added on in spirit of the Grinch. If he really did have garlic in his soul, why not put it in the sandwich? So we did! We used a small clove and a half and divided it up among the 3 layers. I divided it all as evenly as I could putting the rings and cloves from largest to smallest moving inward towards the center.

Jeremy, you are so handy at the cutting board. It helps to have a man of science in the kitchen if you want super accurate cuts. That, or there’s a producy called the “OCD cutting board” found online here…or at ta-da in Clifton Park NY.

We threw in some extra garlic powder for luck and stench. I mean, come on, the man was rubbing it under his armpits for goodness sake!

Speaking of layers, ogres have layers because they’re like onions. The Grinch was eating an onion in the live-action version as we would eat a small apple. It’s stinky like him. Hey, he’s the one who rubbed garlic under his arms like a stick of deodorant. We liked the idea. So we took the onion lying around and put it to good use. Half a red onion went into our little monster. We wanted to dye the bread green to match the approved color of the Grinch, or even those moldy purple tomato splotches but we were plum out of dyes. Oh, well. We did our best with what we had. We ran out of tomatoes to slice in there too. Like I said, we can add it in next time they’re in season.

Type 1 diabetics and health-nuts take caution: As for eating this monster, it’s super filling and packs a ton of carbohydrates.  By the way, we just realized, it’s totally vegetarian! No meat in there at all. Depending what recipe was used for the bread, you could pass it off as vegan!

Arsenic is actually elemental crystal, the 33rd element on the periodic table usually found in combination with metal and sulfur. We’re not interested in poisoning ourselves, so Lauren left this part to me due to my vast experience with hot sauce. Let’s just say I call “The Pepper Palace” in Boston my spice-rack away from home. I can take a pretty high spice tolerance. Lauren, not nearly as high. She can only go to a medium salsa. We cooperated on a BBQ sauce with spicy brown mustard and a few drops of Tabasco. The BBQ we kept to a minimum. This notes to his tiny heart. The rest we mixed in until it was just right for us to get some heat but not need to chug a shot of eggnog.

I must advise this, if you want to kiss your Martha May Whovier after having this for lunch, you might want to pack along a toothbrush or some peppermints. This one you can smell coming from across the kitchen.

What can I say? You make a mean sandwich, Mr. Grinch.